Good day people!
While we are not supposed to discuss our exes with our current partners, we should not forget the life lessons we learned from them. Ironically, the most painful memories provide the most important lessons. I still recall how I felt back when I thought I was dating Cathy. I say this now because I have realized I was not her boyfriend then as much as her back-up; I was asked on “dates” when she needed company but was never really her boyfriend. This became apparent after she asked me on a date one time at a restaurant where her ex worked – I was just being used to spite her ex! This inspired me to post this article – to help guys recognize the signs they are being used as backup!
Note: This is a snippet from a previous article which we broadcasted live on KXLU earlier in 2012.
“Always the fling, never the real thing.” This is perhaps the best, most accurate way to describe what being a backup guy (or backup boyfriend) is. It’s being more than friends and less than lovers and it is most convenient for her. It is like being in the friend zone, but only a lot worse. In the friend zone, she uses you for her comfort and convenience (maybe even entertainment), but at least she tells you what you are and what you’re not.
Being the backup guy is being her closest thing to a boyfriend when no one else works. She enjoys your company (or at least seems like it), she flirts with you (a LOT!), and she is very comfortable and candid around you when you’re together. She is, in fact, very comfortable around you that she tells you everything including her heartbreaks when she has them.
Oh and did I mention that she asks you out on dates when she’s not out on dates with someone else?
Yes, you have become her emotional dildo; you are a replacement to the real thing and even when you give everything to her – your love and your devotion – all she does is use your love to her advantage, makes you believe that you may actually have something for each other in the near future, but ends up going out with someone else. And runs back to you, with the same empty promises and endless flirtations, when she gets dumped. That’s not such a happy thought, is it?
Signs you’re her backup
Do you think you are in this situation? Here are some signs:
She flirts with you, a lot, but it stops there. Flirting can mean a lot of things, and flirting can also mean absolutely NOTHING. If that’s all she does with you – flirt and flirt and flirt – and nothing comes from it, or at least nothing substantial, then clearly she’s just enjoying your company and nothing more.
If she calls you only after a bad date or after she’s been dumped, or if she really needs a date. You’re obviously very useful for her and that’s all. She enjoys your company only as much as she needs it and nothing more. She may tease you, talk to you provocatively, and send you mixed signals but there’s nothing else. She’ll forget you the next morning and that’s it. (Thank you PUADatabase.com for this tip)
She never commits to you. She does not call you her ‘friend’ because you’re too special for that, but she does not call you her ‘boyfriend’ either because she thinks you’re not on that level yet. She’s just enjoying “what you have” which in my opinion is basically just this: CRAP.
She cancels at the last minute. Of course, you are not her priority so if something better and more interesting comes up (which is quite often), she stalls you or cancels casually. Ahh but of course. You’re just her second choice, the spare tire, why should you be running the show?
If you’re in this situation, I only have one thing to tell you: GET OUT OF IT ASAP (See how here)! Save yourself brother!
If you want to learn what we think a real relationship should be, buy our book: “We Are Each Other: The Kate & Jason’s Guide To Everlasting Love”; go here: http://weareeachother.com/now-available-we-are-each-other-volume-1/