I ran across my old friend Jim yesterday at the mall. We are still the best of friends although there was a time when that friendship was tested almost to the limits. That was when, for a very short time, I fell for his ex. Though Jim had parted with Lynn six months before I made my move, there were still lots of awkwardness to say the least. Good thing I cleared everything with Jim before making my move. That thoughtfulness may have saved our friendship. Well that was five years ago, but there are times when I still feel a bit awkward around Jim.
Aaron Embry once said that we can never dictate our hearts who to fall in love with. After all, the ‘heart has reasons that reason itself does not know’. But what if you fall in love with the person that your bestest buddy ever once fell in love with? What basic etiquettes apply when you fall for your best friend’s former girl? Should you let love rule over you or should the bro come before the lady?
Pros vs Cons of Falling for Your Best Friend’s Girl
So while technically she is single and unattached, given that she’s your best buddy’s ‘ex’, the fact still remains that she once dated him and that they will always have a connection that all former lovers have. And that’s what brings all the awkwardness in the world! (Or in your world at least).
And the awkward, I mean, really really awkward part is just the beginning of it. There will always be a question about how your best friend is likely to take it and whether you can give up one for the other. Not to mention, you’re going to get some awkward and telling conversations with the rest of your circle of friends.
Maybe, too, you cannot help but question the intention of the ‘ex’ as far as sincerity is concerned. Is she dating you because she wants to really date you, or is she simply using you to to get back at her ex aka your best friend?
In this complicated dating situation, it would literally be easier to find the proverbial needle in the haystack than to see a good reason to proceed. Testing your best friendship, maybe?
If you’ve got time, here are some online dating tips every man must know (courtesy of PUADatabase.com). You may want to also read this article from Huffington Post.com.
What to Do When You Are in This Situation
Should you find yourself in this very awkward situation, might as well do it the right way and try to do as little damage as possible – to your friendship, to your date, and to yourself most importantly. Here are some tips:
Ask your best friend’s opinion and permission on the matter. In the name of great friendship and civility, you have to take this extra step. Don’t be the guy who stabs his best friend in the back. Even when they are technically not together, you have a moral obligation to do so simply because they did have a relationship,  and you are supposed to be best friends.
Figure out her intentions. Is she really interested in you or is she just doing it to spite your buddy? You have to be really careful and conscious about this part simply because (1) you don’t want to be duped, and (2) you don’t want to be the accomplice to a crime towards your best, best buddy!
Avoid mentioning the ex to your best friend and vice versa. Not until you guys have totally gone past the awkward stage can you put the two in the same sentence. Same rule applies to when you have to ask both of them to be in the same room!
Yes, it sure is challenging so better think more than twice before getting into this messy, sticky situation! (And she had better be worth it!)
Perhaps you have more dating and relationships questions? Buy our book: “We Are Each Other: The Kate & Jason’s Guide To Everlasting Love”; go here: http://weareeachother.com/now-available-we-are-each-other-volume-1/
Hello beautiful people!
I was having coffee at a resto with my old friend Harry after a sumptuous Hawaiian dinner when our conversation veered towards nagging. He was actually asking me to try to intercede because he feels that his girlfriend Beth nags a little too much. To say our conversation turned very lively is an understatement. I think that by the time we finished a couple of cups he had calmed down sufficiently for me to be able to suggest a few things they can try to remedy their situation. I know and love both of them and feel that all they lack is effective communication. I am confident they’ll be able to sort out their problem. But he was shocked when I first asked him to consider that maybe; just maybe, he may also be nagging at her!
How can you, macho man, tell if you are starting to nag? Read on to find out.
More men complain about women being nags than it is the other way around. Women nag about everything – from the most trivial things to the most nerve-wracking issues and men complain about it so much that some of them have blamed relationship failure to her constant nagging. After all, that’s what the society is wired to believe: that women nag and men don’t.
But what if it was the other way around? What if you are becoming the nagger that you’ve always hated?
Experts agree that one common trait among naggers, like other types of people with bad behaviors,  are hardly aware that they are indeed nags. The thing that makes men actually ask themselves if they are nags is when their women actually say it to their face.
Signs that you’re a nagger
So, are you really becoming a nagger? Here are some telling signs:
If you have to ask more than three times for something. The impulse to repeat a request is normal when the request is not met. However, if you have to do it again and again and again in a tone that gets bossier at each request, you’re becoming a nagger. As annoying as it is when our requests are met with nothing more than a verbal affirmation without any action, it is also annoying for your girlfriend to hear it again and again and again in that bossy tone. Of course, you can learn how to attract women (like what we have shared in this guide), but nothing can help you if you’re a nagging dick.
If you raise your voice constantly. Raising your voice does not make your point any better; neither does it make your girlfriend feel better about anything you happen to be discussing. Raising your voice is not a healthy way of communicating. ‘Venting out’ all of your negative energies may make you feel better for an instant, but it does not solve anything. On the contrary, it makes your girlfriend feel slighted and offended, and makes her act defensively. And if you do this constantly over every little thing that pisses you off, you may actually have a nagging problem.
If you are always criticizing your girlfriend. The thing about a loving relationship is that you can always be yourself without fear of judgment or destructive criticism. But nags don’t give their partners that kind of security. Naggers tend to overly criticize their partners and their partners’ behavior too often. If you find yourself always looking for your girlfriend’s faults and telling her about it out loud with the “loving” intention to correct her, there’s something wrong with you. You may actually be nagging!
If you play the blame game once too often. Another common trait that nags have is that they love pointing fingers at the other person in the relationship. They are notorious at using the ‘you’ sentences, where everything that comes out of their mouths is ‘you’ + partner’s fault. The nagger hardly finds himself at fault and everything that goes wrong is the fault of his partner.
So, are you a nagger?
Get more tips on how to keep your relationship alive and well. Buy our book: “We Are Each Other: The Kate & Jason’s Guide To Everlasting Love”; go here: http://weareeachother.com/now-available-we-are-each-other-volume-1/
There was a time when I was a freshman at the University of Wisconsin-Madison when I tried out for the school’s basketball team. Though I really never made it past the trials, it was evident that every game, even the trials, was heavily attended by really hot women. I even managed to get a few delighted squeals the couple of times I managed to score. I remember thinking how hot I could have been in their eyes if I made it to the varsity team – and if I managed to make it as a starter – whoa! All that’s water under the bridge now and I am very happy and more than just content with Kate and our relationship. But that goes to show you how attractive to women athletes are!
There are three basic types of men that are most attractive to women: the artists, the musicians, and the athlete.
If you’re neither of the three, your best chance at channeling any of these three men in an attempt to attract women would be to try to be an athlete.
While the word athlete is, in its strictest sense reserved for the pros, take it from me my friends – it would be far easier to try to dribble and shoot a ball than to create a sculpture, a painting, or to play a tune on some instrument.
And so let’s discuss the 5 sports that are easiest to fake while helping to boost your attractiveness to ladies.
Sports that will make a girl crazy
Gentlemen (besides the conversational attraction techniques), go flex your muscles and get your athletic bone ready to make girls go crazy over you:
Basketball: Sure not everyone has the perfect build for it (don’t worry about it), but after marathon watching NBA Hardwood Classics, NBA 2K13, and hanging out with some baller friends at the neighborhood basketball court maybe you can copy Kobe Bryant’s stance. Maybe you can even try to shoot some hoops for real. We’re not gunning for pro level player here anyway; just something for the girls to cheer about. *Wink*
Swimming: Who does not appreciate a good swimmer? Be it at the beach or at the local swimming club, a few Ryan Lochte-esque strokes, flat tummy (if you don’t have yet your washboard abs), and the right outfit (or lack of it), will definitely get heads turning. So go ahead and practice those strokes you learned at PE class and put it to good use!
Soccer: Ah, but of course, how can we leave out one of the world’s most popular ball games? Everyone loves it (think: David Beckham). What can be so hard about kicking a ball around anyway? As long as it’s not on the pro level, you don’t need to be really good, so go and train your feet to kick at an angle, build a bit of cardio to run after the ball, and maybe if you’re really good, learn those knee and chest tricks that they do. Who knows, you may just meet your own Victoria on the pitch!
American football/rugby: Ah, but of course. Football is one of the most masculine ball games – and one that you don’t need a lot of accessories to play. You just need to have legs for running, hands for catching, and the body to tackle (or at least pretend to) your playmates. This is a great game to play topless and on the beach or at the park. But remember, you have to have the muscles for it.
Golf: Two words: Tiger Woods. Who knew that this sport of retirees could be so attractive to young women? Golf is all sophistication and finesse and calmness. You get to meet women at the country club while you’re all decked out in well-pressed trousers, classic looking golfing shoes, collared sports shirts and the shades to go with it. PS: you have to have the money for membership, the golf clubs, and the fantastic five-course wine and dine dinner you must take the lady you meet at the lobby to.
You don’t have to be good at it; you’re not gunning for a pro career anyway. You just have to look good at it, or at least look charming while you suck at it. Remember, girls love athletes!
BTW… Thank you very much for the very positive feedback I received for my last blog post, it was a “blockbuster”! I am very glad a lot of people found it helpful.
Attracting women is just the first step; you need to learn how to nurture your relationship. Buy our book: “We Are Each Other: The Kate & Jason’s Guide To Everlasting Love”; go here: http://weareeachother.com/now-available-we-are-each-other-volume-1/
Hello singles, couples and lovers!
Do you know that I first met Jason at a gym? I must admit that I felt it was rather unusual because here in Hawaii, aside from the usual singles hangouts, many meet ups happen on a beach somewhere. We have thousands of miles of coastline and thousands of people, both local and tourists, who are there to have fun almost any day of the week. I distinctly remember that I was impressed by his determination to get in shape – both of us were trying to shed extra pounds then – which made me curious and want to compare the effectiveness of our respective routines. And before we knew it our relationship had bloomed from being just casual acquaintances to the committed lovers and partners we have grown into.
The gym is one of the best places to meet women outside of the usual bars, clubs and parties. If you play your cards right, everything could work perfectly in your favor. And best of all, you’d get to meet women when they’re least inhibited, when they are more at ease, and more importantly, you won’t fall victim to makeup-pretty women because seriously, who wears makeup to the gym?!!! Date ideas? Click here!
So, to increase your chances of meeting women at the gym, you have to impress them and you have to do it convincingly.
Make a good impression
Here are some of the best tips on how to make a good impression on women and how to seduce women in the gym:
Watch what you wear. Just because you are going out to the gym to sweat profusely does not mean you don’t have to pay attention to what you are wearing. I cannot tell you exactly what you can and should wear, but I can give you a list of what you SHOULD NEVER, EVER wear. This list includes neons, spandex, skimpy Hulk Hogan-esque shirts, and shirts that could pass off as a dishrag. Stick to a look that is both comfortable and fashionable but not overboard eccentric.
Put hygiene on top of your priority list. Hygiene is important on a normal day, where you don’t sweat too much and you don’t spend hours sharing gym equipment with tons of other sweaty men. Hygiene becomes even more important if you are spending your time in the gym. Just imagine sweating out for hours and having to use the gym seats that have been soaked in someone else’s sweat (and all the bacteria that is soaking in it). And yes, just imagine how stinky you could get and how many diseases you could get on it. SO make sure that you have put on your heavy-duty deodorant, brought your very own towel, and an extra shirt.
Do not flex to impress women. One, you’re not Johnny Bravo or Popeye; two, women are not as visual as men when it comes to sex. So you’d have to be insane to think that flexing your muscles is a good way to impress her. Sure, it’s going to get her attention, but unfortunately, it won’t be in a good way. Act naturally because I don’t think she’s out there looking for The Rock’s movie double. Two, act naturally because she’d just laugh at you if you end up looking foolish instead of macho. And yes, drop the really big dumbbells unless that’s what your trainer has planned for your routine.
Don’t stare. It’s creepy as it is; it’s going to be even creepier in a gym setting. Look, smile your friendliest, and be generally nice. Don’t try to look sexy unless that’s something you’re very good at (Which I highly doubt because if you were, you wouldn’t really be reading this). A relaxed smile will show her that you’re having fun at what you’re doing and she’s going to get positive vibes from it.
And oh, don’t talk too much either.
So after reading the Do’s, read the Don’ts. And remember, put on your most confident self! Good luck!
Seduction is not everything; all relationships need a lot of maintenance! Buy our book: “We Are Each Other: The Kate & Jason’s Guide To Everlasting Love”; go here: http://weareeachother.com/now-available-we-are-each-other-volume-1/
There was a time early on in our relationship when Kate had to leave for a rather long internship in the mainland. That left me here in sunny Hawaii, with a disposition that was very much less than sunny. That went on the duration of her month long training because I did not have the means to fly over and visit her every now and then. I must admit that neither of us handled the separation very well, though the strength of our love allowed us to ultimately survive it.
Long distance relationships are not for everyone. It takes a lot, and can give very little. It shares very little in common with regular relationships, and is likely to have more downs than ups. It takes patience, effort, hard work, initiative, creativity, imagination, and tons and tons of loyalty and trust.
And that’s just the beginning. On a regular basis, a long distance love affair probably has more challenges and tests than it has rewards. It’s like a roller coaster ride of emotions; like being put to the test every single day, and you always have to make that pull just so you could close the distance. It is for the brave, for the strong-willed, and for the believer. Try these tips on turning into an alpha male to make her stay forever!
If you’re starting a long distance relationship, or your relationship is headed in that direction, or just plainly curious about how it works, let me share with you 5 things that I’ve learned to be inevitable truths about long distance relationships.
5 Truths about Long Distance Relationships
It can get expensive. Those two-day mini-vacations, the anniversary gifts, the data plan, the long-distance calls for when you don’t have internet – these are the things that can burn a hole in your pocket when you’re trying to keep a long distance relationship. You have to prepare for these things; you have to plan for them and save up for them. Your relationship won’t thrive on texts alone; you have to plan to spend real time together no matter how short or simple it is. You have to give your girlfriend from across the world or across the country enough to hold on to so she keeps hoping and believing in the relationship no matter how far apart you are. Money can’t buy happiness but it sure can buy you plane tickets to see her. Save up for these.
You cannot do it just by yourselves. You will need people to help you make it through. You and your girlfriend both need to surround yourselves with people who believe in you and who believe in the dignity and power of true love that perseveres beyond distance and beyond challenges. You both need people who will encourage you to go on and not push you towards giving up and finding another, far easier relationship situation. You don’t need many; you just need real and believing ones.
You have to have plans for the future. Hope is the second most important thing in a long distance relationship. You need to instill hope in each other; that things will get better someday. Your relationship can only endure for so long, and in that trying time, it’s the promise of better circumstances that will see you both through. Make future plans.
There will be temptation for both of you. There is twice the temptation in a long distance relationship compared to regular relationships. And it could visit both of you. It is important to keep each other reminded of the love and commitment you have for each other and make efforts to keep your relationship cheat-proof. You must make very concious efforts to avoid the temptation of going for temporary backup  relationships.
You have to be clingy. While ‘clingy’ sounds like a negative thing in a relationship, it is an important part of a successful long distance relationship. The thing that kills most of these relationships is not giving in to temptation or giving up against all of its challenges. It’s growing up apart and letting it happen. Don’t let each other become different persons without you in it; be there for each other even if it means being clingy and dependent. You have to make the most out of every opportunity to be together, even if it’s just on the phone or on a photo on Snapchat.
PS: Also see Terms of Endearment to Trash Before 2014 now! Thanks
Do you want to know the secrets to the longevity of our relationship? Buy our book: “We Are Each Other: The Kate & Jason’s Guide To Everlasting Love”; go here: http://weareeachother.com/now-available-we-are-each-other-volume-1/
Good day people!
While we are not supposed to discuss our exes with our current partners, we should not forget the life lessons we learned from them. Ironically, the most painful memories provide the most important lessons. I still recall how I felt back when I thought I was dating Cathy. I say this now because I have realized I was not her boyfriend then as much as her back-up; I was asked on “dates” when she needed company but was never really her boyfriend. This became apparent after she asked me on a date one time at a restaurant where her ex worked – I was just being used to spite her ex! This inspired me to post this article – to help guys recognize the signs they are being used as backup!
Note: This is a snippet from a previous article which we broadcasted live on KXLU earlier in 2012.
“Always the fling, never the real thing.” This is perhaps the best, most accurate way to describe what being a backup guy (or backup boyfriend) is. It’s being more than friends and less than lovers and it is most convenient for her. It is like being in the friend zone, but only a lot worse. In the friend zone, she uses you for her comfort and convenience (maybe even entertainment), but at least she tells you what you are and what you’re not.
Being the backup guy is being her closest thing to a boyfriend when no one else works. She enjoys your company (or at least seems like it), she flirts with you (a LOT!), and she is very comfortable and candid around you when you’re together. She is, in fact, very comfortable around you that she tells you everything including her heartbreaks when she has them.
Oh and did I mention that she asks you out on dates when she’s not out on dates with someone else?
Yes, you have become her emotional dildo; you are a replacement to the real thing and even when you give everything to her – your love and your devotion – all she does is use your love to her advantage, makes you believe that you may actually have something for each other in the near future, but ends up going out with someone else. And runs back to you, with the same empty promises and endless flirtations, when she gets dumped. That’s not such a happy thought, is it?
Signs you’re her backup
Do you think you are in this situation? Here are some signs:
She flirts with you, a lot, but it stops there. Flirting can mean a lot of things, and flirting can also mean absolutely NOTHING. If that’s all she does with you – flirt and flirt and flirt – and nothing comes from it, or at least nothing substantial, then clearly she’s just enjoying your company and nothing more.
If she calls you only after a bad date or after she’s been dumped, or if she really needs a date. You’re obviously very useful for her and that’s all. She enjoys your company only as much as she needs it and nothing more. She may tease you, talk to you provocatively, and send you mixed signals but there’s nothing else. She’ll forget you the next morning and that’s it. (Thank you PUADatabase.com for this tip)
She never commits to you. She does not call you her ‘friend’ because you’re too special for that, but she does not call you her ‘boyfriend’ either because she thinks you’re not on that level yet. She’s just enjoying “what you have” which in my opinion is basically just this: CRAP.
She cancels at the last minute. Of course, you are not her priority so if something better and more interesting comes up (which is quite often), she stalls you or cancels casually. Ahh but of course. You’re just her second choice, the spare tire, why should you be running the show?
If you’re in this situation, I only have one thing to tell you: GET OUT OF IT ASAP (See how here)! Save yourself brother!
If you want to learn what we think a real relationship should be, buy our book: “We Are Each Other: The Kate & Jason’s Guide To Everlasting Love”; go here: http://weareeachother.com/now-available-we-are-each-other-volume-1/